01.10.07: Klingons Around Uranus?

"There are Klingons in the White House. But unlike the real Klingons of Star Trek, these Klingons have never fought a battle of their own. Don't led faux Klingons send real Americans to war."

Rep. David Wu (D, OR)

Wow, Klingons. Really? I mean, someone should really just take that metaphor out behind the barn and put it out of its misery because it's been beaten beyond all recognition and then some. Seriously, Congressman. Faux Klingons?

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Full Context is here.

Archive: Burn, Baby, Burn!

In honor of the flag-burning debate, I bring you my favorite flag tirade, courtesy of Former Senator Zell Miller. Senator Miller, you have the Floor:

I asked the question yesterday: How many of you have ever run over a skunk with your car? I know the President has, somewhere over there around Frog Hollow. I have, many times. I can tell you that the stink stays around for a long time. You can take the car through a carwash and it is still there. So the scent of this event will long linger in the nostrils of America.

I am not talking just about an exposed mammary gland with a pull-tab attached to it. Really, no one should have been too surprised with that. Wouldn’t you expect a bumping, humping, trashy routine entitled ‘‘I’m Going To Get You Naked’’ to end that way?

Does any responsible adult ever listen to the words of this rap-crap? I would quote you some of it, but the Sergeant at Arms would throw me out of this Chamber, as well he should.

Then there was that prancing, dancing, strutting, rutting guy, evidently suffering from jock itch because he kept yelling and grabbing his crotch. But, then, maybe there is a culture of crotch grabbing in this country I don’t know about. But as bad as all that was, the thing that yanked my chain the hardest was seeing this ignoramus with his pointed head stuck up through a hole he had cut in the flag of the United States of America, screaming about having ‘‘a bottle of scotch and watching lots of crotch.’’

Think about that. This is the same flag to which we pledge allegiance. This is the same flag that is draped over coffins of dead young uniformed warriors, killed while protecting Kid Crock’s boney butt. He should be tarred and feathered and ridden out of this country on a rail. You talk about a good reality show? That would be one.

(Then) Sen. Zell Miller (D, GA)
02.12.04

Sometimes, you just let the words stand.
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Full context is here.

05.17.06: So get the @#$! out!

If you are a thug, if you are a crook, if you are a murderer or a rapist or a bunco artist or a felon, you don’t really add any value, and the only person you can blame is yourself. So I have no sympathy for your cause because your misconduct, your mean, hateful, cheating behavior has disqualified you—and too bad. You don’t add value.

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R, SC)

No, really, tell us how you really feel, Senator! Seriously, this could be my favorite quote from the Immigration Bill. I'm going to run around, sneering "You don't add value" down my nose at people. It'll be the new hot trend for summer.
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05.09.06: Seriously, Do I Have to Keep Going Over This?

[It's] like somebody going to Costco and buying toilet paper one roll at a time.

Sen. Ron Wyden (D, OR)

The phrase "toilet paper" has been mentioned five times in the Congressional Record since the beginning of the year. Four times by you, Sen Wyden (Don't look so smug, Sen. Dodd!). Can't we talk about buying eggs one at a time? Decorum. Really. PS - Nice shout-out to Costco. Fundraiser coming up?
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05.09.06: Daaaad! They're not Sharing!

It would be helpful if the other side would actually share the details of their amendment with us so that we can take a look at it...[i]t is hard to do until we have a copy.

Sen. Michael Enzi (R, WY)

And can I please get a mop for this pool of sarcasm? So much for bipartisanship.
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05.04.06: You're Special, California!

"I never thought I would say: California does something right."

Sen. Richard Burr (R, NC)

And I'm sure your good friends from California appreciate you damning them with faint praise. See you in committee, baby!
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Archive: Apparently Republicans Can't Count Either

"I do not even know what a trillion is..."

Sen. Judd Gregg (R, NH)
02.28.05

The budget is how many trillion? And they don't even know what one is? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, these are the people controlling your tax dollars. And you elected them.
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04.25.06: Know Your Geography!

"...North Dakota: Do you know where that is? That is north of South Dakota."

Sen. Robert Byrd (D, WV)

Who needs Mapquest?
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Archive: Say it ain't so, Joe!

"I think the most fitting one-word tribute I can use to close a celebration on the Senate floor of ESPN's first great twenty-five years is to say simply and enthusiastically: Booyah."

Sen. Joseph Lieberman (D,CT)
09.07.04

Holy crap! Joe Lieberman just said "Booyah" on the Senate Floor?
(And yes, he said it about as enthusiastically as printed above.)
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Archive: Sunshine and Rainbows and Lollipops, Too!

"I believe in decency and Mary Poppins and all things nice."

Congressman Gary Ackerman (D,NY)
03.11.04

Like people taking responsibility for what they watch on TV? That would be awful nice. Yeah, and I believe in Santa Claus, too.
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Archive: Boxers or Briefs?

"If you are wearing Fruit of the Loom you are not wearing American underwear."

Sen. Byron Dorgan (D,ND)
03.09.04

Oh please, someone, write the soon-to-be-classic protest song "American Underwear" preferably to the tune of "American Woman."That would so rock.
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Archive: I Wanna Rock

"We have explored the moon in 1969 and 1970. It is a rock. We have seen pictures of Mars. It is also a rock."

Congressman Albert Wynn(D,MD)
01.20.04

I've seen the Hope Diamond. It's a rock. I've been to the beach. Sand is, like, a bunch of little rocks. I've seen Ayer's Rock. It's, well, yeah, it's a rock...
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Archive: Who Shot Bambi?

"He's right, Bambi doesn't wear body armor. Bambi doesn't need to wear body armor."

Sen. Larry Craig (R,ID)
02.26.04

Bambi doesn't wear body armor and Charlie don't surf.
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Archive: Democrats Can't Count!

"I want to know how you folks can raise a point of order when you can't even count the number of pages in a bill?"

Sen. Charles E. Grassley (R,IA)
11.24.03

Probably my favorite quote from the Medicare debates.
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